In case you don’t know me well, I’m not the kind of person who grew up dying to have babies. Steve and I got married right after college, then he was in grad school and I worked full-time. Several years later he got his first job and I got to stay home and figure out what I really wanted to do. Around that same time one of my friends announced she was pregnant and it sounded like a good idea to us, too, so I went off the pill. For about a month. Call me selfish, but I wasn’t ready to give up my newfound free time. I would be at the grocery store at 2:00 on a Wednesday and wonder how there were so many people that didn’t have to be at work. I really did like working, but Steve and I agreed that our house was a much happier place with me at home.
My friend saw some jewelry I had been making, suggested I start a business, and for the next few years that became my full-time job. Making, selling, teaching, learning, advertising, graphic design, web design, purchasing supplies, blogging, accounting, maximizing my business. I didn’t want to give up the progress I had made until things leveled out a bit. Lo and behold, the kinks got worked out, it’s no longer making me crazy, and I’ve got a wonderful job I can do from home.
Other events that set us back on the baby-track:
- A few years ago, people very close to us had a baby. They’d share a few joys and many challenges of parenthood, followed by “When are you guys having kids?” As in, this is awful and we want someone with whom to commiserate. And they aren’t the only people who left us wondering if there were enough benefits of parenthood to offset the drawbacks. Either way it squelched our enthusiasm. For the record, we are thankful that both sets of our parents were really great about not putting on the pressure.
- We’ve had wonderful friends wherever we’ve lived, none of whom had kids at the time, and hanging out with friends is one of the main things we enjoy doing. Not that we won't be doing that any more, but we acknowledge that Life As We Know It is ending.
- Traveling is another thing we love to do, and although it's not impossible to do this with children, it definitely changes the dynamic and won't be as simple as jumping on a plane any more.
- I can't tell you all the times people asked why we didn’t have kids yet. Some were genuinely just curious, but I have a newfound appreciation for what it's like to be a healthy couple who didn't get pregnant on the first try. Or the tenth. My new policy is to never ask a woman when she is planning to have kids, and if someone asks me about it I think seriously about getting on a soapbox of spreading sensitivity for all the women who are quietly battling infertility.
- We’ve seen plenty of people who are outgoing and fun, then after having kids they drop off the face of the earth, or at least contract CSB (a term coined by author Marian Keyes, stands for Childbirth has Stolen their Brains) We didn’t want to be like that, or we at least wanted to put it off as long as possible.
Anyways, there were several people along the way who reassured me that not everyone has children, and when/if it gets to be our time, we’d just know. They were right. It took a while, but now we are genuinely excited to start this new chapter in our lives. We are so thankful to have had 8 years to grow up a little and make memories together before throwing kids into the mix. And all this time we’ve been watching parents of all ages, observing what to do and what not to do, so now we pretty much have it all figured out.
I started journaling my pregnancy from the day I found out. At first I wrote in a Word document, not sure if I wanted to share everything with The Internet. Then I started reading mom blogs (see Blogroll at right), comparing notes with others' experiences and realizing that I don't mind talking about what I'm going through. I may not tell you about every little thing, Internet, but I am willing to share my experiences with those who are interested. Feel free to comment!
So you don't have to ask, I am officially due December 24 and I feel good. I'm in the fortunate minority of women who don't get morning sickness. We are hoping to find out if the baby is a boy or girl, but not until my next ultrasound. Feel free to cast a vote on the sidebar (it's anonymous).
And in case I do manage to have anything else to talk about, it will go on my other blog.