Several years ago I went to a Friday night talk with one of our pastor's wives and the topic ended up being grieving. Not necessarily death, but grieving our former life, the way things used to be. Of course to a bunch of newlywed girls this seemed really heavy and negative - we wanted to hear about happy stuff. But now I think I get it.
Although on a typical day I'm upbeat and excited about the baby, I've had pockets of time over the past few weeks where I'm clinging to the way things are right now, DINKs, just Steve and me. I know that Parenthood is going to be so rewarding and our capacity to love this baby will blow my mind, but for now I don't want to think about it. I love laying in bed at night and talking about our day or going out to eat with 30 seconds notice. I love going on vacation and only having to have our mail held and our neighbor to dog-sit for days on end. Now it's going to be a debate about whether we can bear to leave little Aloysius/Adelaide home for even a day.
So if you ask me if I'm ready to have this baby, I'll probably say yes just because pregnancy is getting a little more painful, but inside I'm still thinking no, that I'm enjoying the last little bit of our days "BC" (before children).
4 comments:
I totally understand what you are saying in this post and felt the same way before Catie was born. I love her dearly but still miss life "BC" (before Catie) even now. Good luck with everything Anne. You will be a great mom. :)
I don't think I was ready until I heard, "It's a Boy!" Then at that moment I knew I would do anything, give up everything for him. Enjoy your "BC" time and you will be ready when its time...
I still miss my old life, and I don't think there is anything wrong with admitting that! Being a Momma is very hard work, and full of sacrifice! Its very worth it, and full of wonderful love - but it is an adjustment. Be gentle with yourself in the early weeks. You are going to be a wonderful Momma, but don't fret if its not all sunshine and butterflies at first...its a big change, and it takes some getting used to.
I totally get what you're saying. I think I was one of the only people I have ever known who was forty one weeks pregnant and happy to stay that way. I cried when they told me that the baby needed to come out. I really enjoy being pregnant. But what comes next? It's even better than going on vacation whenever your little ol' heart desires. Enjoy your time before the babe comes!
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